| Our 35 years in pastoral ministry (all at one church, in a suburb north of Boston) spanned all our child-rearing and launching years, from the first newborn to the last wedding. Looking back, we are not plagued by regrets that we shortchanged our kids in order to serve our congregation. However, to fact-check that impression, we asked our three grown daughters about their memories of Christmas in the parsonage—and how they thought we did at protecting family time during the holidays. Their answers and our memories point to Time and Traditions. Time. Christmas in the church is not a day and its eve but the whole Advent season, typically four weeks long . . . and even longer if you consider Epiphany, or Twelfth Night. That is a big chunk of the calendar and, honestly, plenty of time for activities and events, sacred and otherwise, IF you plan well, pace your schedule, and prioritize. Our first Christmas in ministry took me (Jack) by surprise. I felt overwhelmed by all the church duties. Christmas Eve came and I didn’t even have time to wrap the gifts I had bought Kathy, so I stuffed them in paper bags. It was a sign that my life as a pastor was out of control. On the advice of our organist, next year we set aside the four Sundays before Christmas and celebrated Advent for the first time. This expanded season simplified the focus of preaching and worship music. Observing Advent took the rush out of Christmas. We always cut our tree right after Thanksgiving and, thanks to our camp in Maine, also harvested a load of fir boughs for our church’s first seasonal event, an Advent wreath-making workshop (followed by a carol sing and cookie-fest). Our church still hosts this family friendly event, and our girls recall the workshop and our weekly wreath-lighting devotional as anchoring our family Christmas to the Word and worship. Because Advent lasts several weeks, we look time to transform our home, and not just by the tree in the front window. Almost all other décor was stored away to make room for Christmas paraphernalia, including a great many pieces crafted just for us by parishioners. We didn’t go in much for the Clark Griswold outside lighting display. But inside? Oh, boy—you knew it was Christmas, from the bedecked mantel, to the ceramic nativity scene, to the embroidered stockings hung by the chimney, Santa’s workshop, Kathy’s reindeer collection, our Christmas book basket, the Amy Grant CD on repeat, and so much more. You all have your own keepsakes. Take advantage of the long season to enjoy them. From Thanksgiving through New Year’s, this personalized and pervasive holiday vibe made us all want to be at home as much as possible. One way we honored family time while ministering was opening our home for special church gatherings, like an annual staff Christmas party (until the staff outgrew our capacity!). A favorite event, which our girls very fondly remember, was the holiday “meeting” of the women’s group. All seniors, mostly widows, they were the most grateful, generous guests. The girls couldn’t wait to arrive home from school those afternoons. Traditions. From toddler-hood through college, the church-related traditions that our kids say they most treasure are not the kids-only activities such as Christmas pageants, but instead the ones that involved our whole family, like those mentioned above. The unanimous favorite was Christmas Eve worship, which evolved over time from one service to four. These musical, magical, and moving evenings were capped by a walk home from church with Jack; for some reason, this tradition carries special meaning. Kathy would already be in the parsonage kitchen preparing another constant—chicken piccata—a fancy supper that we ate by candlelight in the living room (!) before opening one gift. If there was a late-night service, other staffers took charge. “Christmas Eve and Day always felt like ours.” There were also non-church-related traditions, things we always did in December, like mall trips with Dad/Jack to shop for Mom and at least one city excursion to see the Boston Common lights, visit Quincy Market or the Enchanted Village, and thrill to Holiday Pops at Symphony Hall. When Christmastime came around, they knew what to expect, and we made choices so as not to disappoint. Our daughters confirm that they never felt our Christmas seasons were too short or too busy, or that they had to share us or sacrifice family time. Says Jack, Every pastor has to determine (and not only at Christmas) who their first flock is: their family or their church. We pastors have to serve both, but we cannot serve the church at the expense of our family if we hope to raise kids who love the Lord. |
Protect Your Family Time During the Busy Christmas Season in Ministry
